It's My Engagement Day

 Hi earthlings,

Actually, we're engaged on 2nd January 2021 but as usual, Atiqah is very very busy lady. She have no time to post anything because she's busy with Netflix, good foods, family, friends and of course, Inche Tunang. Yayy. 

Here's some of sneak peek during my engagement day :)

from left: his father, his mother, me (obviously), inche tunang, my dad, my mom and my grandma

well, most of our hantaran are handmade by me (because it feels so personal to me so I want to do it by my own). Our should be 5 berbalas 7 but then we got extras. The more, the merrier. Hehehe

my future mother's in law <3

Awwww....

<3

cake from my cousieeeeee 

mek yang datang jaug dari puchong for my engagement day. kamsahamida

my long long long friendship with her from darjah satu, my bestie Syahirah of course!

and here we are

Terima kasih untuk semua orang yang menjayakan pertunangan ini sama ada secara langsung atau tidak langsung. Doakan kitaorang berdua bahagia sehingga ke akhir hayat. PKP tak bulih nak nikah lagi, uhuks. Might have a small, simple akad and once the PKP end, InsyaAllah will proceed with the majlis :)

Every Cloud Has A Silver Lining

Hai earthlings,

Since I've been really busy when I started went back into the office, I got no time for myself or my stupid overthinking. Since most of my team have to be onsite like, every single day from Ramadhan until now. Everything falls back into its original place and I really tired to handle everything. Balik je kau terus fikir nak rehat dan nak tidur sebab panas apatah lagi bila pakai PPE. Tapi dalam sibuk-sibuk tu, aku cuba jugak berkawan dengan orang-orang baru so that aku takkan ada masa untuk fikir yang tidak-tidak. Seronok. Belajar benda baru dan tahu perkara-perkara yang baru untuk aku. I just spend my time, try to ease my heart with no intention on falling again.

But, here we go again. Tanpa sengaja dan tanpa terniat pun, I met u. When everything started to calm down and I can finally breathe with ease, there's when I found u. I keeps hesitating at first, wondering if it's just a rebound cause I'm too old to play games and hurting u isn't in the list. We talked every night about everything eventho we barely know each other. Funny, isn't it? Kita tak pernah langsung kenal satu sama lain eventho kita selalu duduk dekat-dekat. U in UM while I'm in Mahsa PJ. I'm doing my degree while u're in BSP for few weeks but we never met each other or even if we do, we barely knew each other.

And here I'm, feeling so confident and whole again. Feels so much love and how lucky I'm to meet u. I never expect this to happen but I'm thankful for this. Kalau aku fikir balik, hidup aku hampir sempurna dan aku bahagia. Aku ada family dan kawan-kawan yg sentiasa ada dengan aku, yang dengar luahan aku, yang support aku, yang sayangkan aku bila aku rasa everything went wrong. Dan bila aku jumpa dia and he learnt things about me, he's there and always wait for me. Always trying to be there for me eventho sometimes I could be a mess. He made me feels I'm worth it. He made me realized that I shouldn't settle for less. He told me how nice I'm, how beautiful I'm, he value and respect me as he should. Every single day, without fails he will tell me the same things, over and over again. It isn't only words and all, the actions always shown by him when he met my family during raya and spending night there. Main mercun with them and all before we went back to KL next morning. Why should I wish for more? 

For someone like me, my life are worth it.

Yes, each time, it will be upgraded to next level.

I love you. We both love each other. That's all matter. 

I'm just sad

Hai earthlings, 

I'm being melancholy today or should I say, for a little bit longer than usual because I can't accept the truth. I know I can't express it anymore to u but, well, this is my place so let me breathe a little bit and do things that could ease me. 

I guess it has been awhile. Maybe I needs a get away trip but since we're in mco, I just needs to calm down. That's all I could do. How helpless I'm, right? I really can't wait to get back to my place. Or should I just get a new place, a new environment and a new me? I donno.

I'm sad. Maybe it's not enough to expressed things I've been bottle inside me all this while. I've been ignoring texts unless important one. Getting more sleeps. Lose my sleep cycle. Hesitate to do things. Even my slippers tot that I've buy a new pair, I guess. Haha Atiqah is so funny. How ironic is it? The one we wanted the most to tells how much painful it is, is the one we can't reach anymore. What ifs are really not easy to handle. It can breaks u apart anytime. I tell u, this time, maybe I'm not prepared enough. But who can be prepare for this, is it?

How hard to stay sane when all the insane things come across ur mind? How to not lose urself when all the things u wanna do is ...

There's nothing I could do even when I wanted to. There's nothing I could say. At this moment, all I could do is pray. Let it heals or Im gonna be away.

#ps: still missing u.

Askfm

Hai earthlings,

Reading back my old conversations in askfm, somehow made me smile a little bit. How naive and childish I am. Quite strict back there and a little bit easy life. Cant stop laughing at my way of texting back then. Why I am so lazy? Even simple words still I changed it like kau ingat kau cool ke wei? Are u being serious here? HAHA. I guess walking into adulthood is never easy for me. Everything feels like a roller coaster ride for me and yeah, painful events here and there. Went through old pieces, I never regret having multiple accounts. People can reach me as themselves or as anon. That's how I am, trying to be available for people, I guess. If my memories served me well, that's how we started again. Ladyieyqa are sure my labelled. Could be Lana Eliana sometimes. I get that word Lady from the series of Merlin. Morgana jahat kan? She turned to be a bad person, engulfed by her hatred to Uther. I shouldnt be like her, right?

I never find it's hard to utter things I wanted in my own blog before. I never felt this way before so I become a little bit reluctant. Told you, I was a bit naive back then. I am so strict with myself even things involving my feelings. I am so white-and-black kind of girl. I puts barrier and everything to protect myself so I wouldnt lose when things doesnt feels right. But now, lets learn this lesson slowly. Lets improve and hope that this will pass through.

p/s: U will always know where to find me and yes, I missing you. Always.

Life After My Degree

Hai earthlings,

It have been a while since the last time I spend my time writing my thoughts either in my diary or in my blog. I've already got my degree after four years in Biomedical Sciences. So now, if u wonder if I wanted to continue my study or not, ha ha ha. For the time being, of course my answer would be nope.

Since I'm the one who could not spend my time doing nothing, so I already get a job for myself. A good start after my convocation on last Nov 2018, I guess. Well, growing up could be tough sometimes. U could end up crying in the middle of night while thinking why is it so hard on u? Why me? Why? Trust me, u will got a lot of trust issues and wondering what's the best for everything.

Are u happy?

Yes, I'm happy. After all, my happiness is my own responsibility. Silly me, when I put my happiness on other just to get a heartbreak. One after another. You know Atiqah, she's not a type who will willingly follow other people words and end up hurting herself. She can do that, perfectly.